I’ve dealt with bulimia for 7 years, never in that entire time have I received the needed therapy or been to a rehab clinic. However, as i’m writing this, I have been completely clean for 7 months (october ’22) as a result of a radical change and abrupt breaking with the addiction. So here I’d love to share my story with you, maybe it can help someone out there that may struggle to talk about it, or reach for help. Maybe it can empower someone who lost belief in healing.
⚠️Disclaimer : in no way, shape or form am i encouraging to not consider the appropriate professional help and support if you’re a reader or loved one of someone who’s battling with an eating disorder. This article is to share my own experience and things i’ve learned. Please note that i’ll share personal details and things that may not be advised and appropriate to those in a fragile mental state of being.
This article is approached in a reality-slap kind of way, from my own place of wounding to help you.
What is bulimia…
Bulimia is an eating disorder, a mental health condition where one binges on a bunch of food and compensates the indulgence by purging, otherwise known as puking and barfing. Forcing food out of your body through sticking the fingers or an object into the throat to forcefully inflict a gag reflex, so your food comes back up. Some use laxatives or other supplements such as diets pills, tea’s, shakes and so on. Some may even go to extremer lengths to compensate…
I am one of those, as i indulged into plastic surgery several times over the past years. I’ll get back to this later as i want to assure you that this is by far the most retarded thing you can do, take it from me as a deeply experienced barf lord.
Traits of bulimia can start small but eventually escalate. For most it began as that one time when we ate too much, or consumed a food that made us uncomfortable, and thought to ourselves “hey if i just barf out my food than everything will be okay, let’s give it a go” and boom the ball starts rolling, you’ve just discovered that you can do something wildly fhucked up with your own body that at first glance feels like you’ve unlocked a new talent.
The first steps into bulimia feel like you’re at the top of your own body, even more so when you’re deeply bodily conscious, it feels like some massive victory and ultimate sense of control.
It is a distorted perception of one self, created by own mind that’s overpowering. The more you give in to binging and purging, the more you need to feed that voice in your head. Bulimia causes death, incurable physical damage. It is a silent killer which is often left unseen by the environment as bulimia patients frequently have a normal BMI, or may even be overweight and skinnyfat. The smallest details are excessively enlarged through the eyes of a bulimia patient. What they see as fat, too bulky, too curvy,… is what a healthy person sees as normal and beautiful.
Bulimia is an addiction, coping mechanism, attempt to escape or an attempt to change something (physically or emotionally), it is a tool of power and achieving (self) control, it is a way to sooth a negative feeling, a way to master a fear, an obsession about something external or about own body, a way to fill in a deepfelt void, it is used to cope with stress, it is overindulgence, a compensation of guilt, exaggerated emotions likely linked to hypersensitivity and perfectionism, and often times bulimia is a tool to cope with powerlessness as a result of traumatic events….
Bulimia is consciously choosing self destruction for the sake of pleasing the ideals inside your head that will never be achieved. a hard to swallow pill.
There is always a root..
It’s vital to know your triggers if you want to heal. But figuring those can take a long inward journey to the most subtle and seemingly minor experiences, small things can have a big impact, remember this. Often the foundations are created in our childhood or early life’s experiences, it’s helpful to analyze what you focus on most when you feel a binge attack boiling to the surface. Nonetheless, those who struggle with an eating disorder often have a profound awareness of the self, so the power to practice psychoanalysis onto yourself, is already there. To some, fellow sufferes may be a motivation on the journey to healing, but for others it can be a real challenge to know someone who also battles an E.D, as you may trigger each other, resulting in feeling like you’re competing with one another. Avoid this at any cost, even if it means to let go of a good friend, your overall health is priority. A real friend will understand your decisions and will love you regardless, a shitty friend won’t and in the end who needs an incomprehensible friend anyway? cut the crap!
Possible triggers :
• Impactful events as a child or teenager
• Illicit perceptions instilled by people close to us
• Social media and body “standards”
• Working in retail, food industry or a body/food conscious job
• Lack of structure & stability (in childhood)
• Wrong perceptions and examples from own parents
• Emotional instability
• Peer pressure
• Detached connection between the body and mind
• Idealized perceptions and goals
• Impactful physical changes and experiences
• Sexual abuse, assault and manipulation
• Toxic relationships
• Body dysmorphia
• Stress & depression
• Death of a person dear to us
• Unhealthy and unsafe family life or living situation
The list goes on….
Small things can escalate majorly. To some, the trigger may be as banal as a simple remark someone made about their body, behavior, actions,… But the root is frequently a vile criticism to the self.
Bulimia and relationships…
Bulimia or an eating disorder is an addiction. So a person who suffers is likely to display similar traits as someone that has a substance abuse addiction for example. It’s not the easiest thing to deal with in a personal relationship, for neither. Due to the lack of nutrients and foods, the body is often in a continuous state of survival that leads to explosive and misplaced reactions. A person is much more receptive and sensitive to environmental input and may instinctively see things as a threat, or a disruption of own sense of peace. The thing is that bulimia becomes a safe place for the person, it’s a mental bubble in which they reside. Often a person with bulimia will be hard to reach especially when the addiction is taking a toll on their mental, emotional and physical well being. For most of them it’s hard to open up and talk about it, and if they happen to share it with you, there is likely some degree of secrecy that remains. One who struggles with bulimia demands privacy or may want to isolate more often so that they can binge and purge. This results in pushing people away, neglecting their social circles, work or school. One may go excessively far and starts to allow their partner to go out, see some friends,.. All in an attempt to secretly have it all their own malicious ways. Believe me, people with bulimia WILL make up lies.
The eating disorder often becomes priority to the person, where they’d rather choose to continue their self destruction than allowing you to be with them at all times,
How to spot bulimia :
• Bruised and/or scratched knuckles and hands
• Swollen face and puffy cheeks
• Thinning hair, hair starts to fall out
• Increased body hair often on the arms and face
• Scarred and cracked mouth corners
• Eyebags or swollen eye area
• Getting cold easily
• Getting sick easily and often
• Grey, pale or sick complexion
• Smell of puke
• You rarely see them eat
• Loss of interest in social interaction or gatherings
• More money is spend
• Defensive or aggressive
• Dental damage or decay and bad breath
• Excessively brushing teeth or focus on oral hygiene
Again, the list goes on…
Now, if you’re a reader who is suffering..
Do you want all of the above? does that align with what you consider physically and energetically beautiful?
I didn’t, i felt horrible, unhealthy and unstable. fighting to overcome the addiction.
Facts about bulimia that you SHOULD swallow..
You barf your way to poverty and if you happen to be successful, coming forth from a wealthy family, etc You’re still barfing yourself to poverty but in the amount of days that remain alive. And.. if you don’t care about your own life, than you’re still seeking the love and validation that you so urge deep down, so who didn’t love you? who or what failed you?
Have you considered to dive into that place of void first before considering to end it all?
Because it’s within that void that you’ll find the answers. And yes it’s frightening, uncomfortable, painful, confronting, overwhelming,.. But so is bulimia.
You’ll fhuck up your results if you’re not healed prior to surgery, I made this mistake 5 times. I spent a total of €14K onto plastic surgery, and although i do have results (no shit, for that amount), my body did not cope well with certain stages of the healing process, or fat swell back onto my body, i kept seeing unwelcoming details, i was putting my already exhausted body at risk during any procedure.
Plastic surgery in any case of dissatisfaction with own body, needs to come from a mentally stable place. If you happen to plan a surgery right after your first two weeks of being purge free, you’re kidding yourself, really. You rob yourself to temporary sooth the ache.
The more you barf, the worse your digestive track gets. Listen up, i used to binge a shit ton, because it made me poop, but soon after my rectum canal would start to act up again. Even after quitting bulimia, it took several months for my body to regulate. It’s better to endure the discomfort that comes along the healing period, than to endure the discomfort of confused intestines that will only get worse by each day.
Healing step by step…
There may be no clear cut way to heal, as for me it worked without therapy whilst for others it’s a vital requirement within recovery. I quit cold turkey from one day to another. I’ve spent 7 years puking nearly to a daily basis. So please allow me to be an example that YOU CAN overcome.
honestly i never ever in my entire bulimia journey, considered the thought that i would come to a point of even truthfully saying these words.
Things that helped me to make a radical change
1) Mind over matter. As my eating disorder progressed, my body started to feel more weak. It became frightening as i could no longer trust my own physical home. There were times when i randomly got spams in my heart, i felt dizzy when i stood up from a chair, it felt like some heavy weight was upon my chest, i increasingly felt more nauseated as my body started to reject foods by itself, i experienced immense discomfort in my intestines and stomach on a daily basis as a result of compensating so much during the day, i felt hungry at night and still ended up eating ‘too much’, My body became unable to regulate its temperature so i felt cold often times even during the warm summer days, the corners of my mouth were painfully red and cracked, i felt bloated and more uncomfortable in my clothing, i was shivering and shaky after i purged and it genuinely felt like a strife for survival as my eating disorder evolved to a point where i had to eat something immediately after barfing. How contradictory to the pain i wanted to endure for nothing.
In short, bulimia may make you feel or appear smaller at first, but there is no element of stability in the act as bulimia can easily make you gain weight on the long-run. Bulimia makes you bloat and swell like a fermenting corpse that’s increasing in decomposing gasses ready to explode, mddrfkkr i do not find that idea appealing. In fact the bloat is something i’d happily trade for a healthy functioning body that may ate one plate more for dinner. What about you?
So this mindset played a profound role in my individual healing. Though i have to say i’m a rather radical person when it comes to letting go. Scorpio stellium.
The mind over matter thing is exactly the thing you’re doing to forcefully inflict yourself of barfing your ass out. As it requires us to put our mind above our own body and how unnatural or uncomfortable it feels to make ourselves sick.
But the question is.. How far are you willing to go, how much are you willing to destruct, how many times are you willing to face the discomfort, how many times are you willing to walk the line between life and death…
Before you come to understand that the mental power you utilize to maintain an insensitive gagreflex,
Is in fact the same mental power you can use to overcome.
What i’m trying to portray here, is that the character required for self destruction from any place of wounding, guilt, shame, insecurity, obsession,..
Is the character needed for healing. The thing is that if you have an eating disorder, this powerful character is already within you and it takes serious guts to inflict this damage onto yourself. Realize this.
It’s a matter of switching the focus, switching the button and rewiring yourself.
Funny enough, any therapy with a psychologist or psychiatrist may involve talking sessions. Yes there certainly will be excercises. But in the end it all comes back to what happens in the mind. The rewiring that they may teach you in rehab, is in essence one that you’ll do onto yourself, because nobody else can get in your mind but yourself.
There are 3 options to get kicked in the arse :
Therapy & rehab
let bulimia show you what death feels like
Don’t wait and strife for a healthy you now
2) A healthy and supportive relationship helps a lot. A destabilizing partner is suicid3 to a person suffering from an eating disorder. So, if you’re in an unhealthy relationship that’s lacking in understanding and support for your wellbeing, do yourself a favor, get the fhek out of that shithole. Now what helped me tremendously was that my partner genuinely showed admiration for my body in any state, whether i felt ugly, bloated, fat, too masculine,…
A gentle and slow approach was the key for me and i was able to see his love. It’s important that you don’t force the person into quitting it all right here and now, don’ be pushy to expect this or that, but just simply be with them, in their mindset, in the process of pain, love the flaws and that which seems violently misplaced into the eyes of one suffering from an eating disorder.
This is a slow process of trust, in yourself and each other. Remember this.
If it happens that you need to undertake any action as a result of the eating disorder progressively getting worse, it’s important that you highlight the element of love in your actions. Such as the need to call in professional help, remind them that you do this as a result of genuine care and love. Highlight this.
Some may not like to be pushed into rehab or therapy, but eventually they will be grateful on the long-run.
A person with an eating disorder, is deeply self aware after all. And that same awareness will aid in recognizing the truth behind any actions that were taken for the sake of their well being. In essence the help means to love.
3) A creative outlet. Having an astrological approach to Bulimia, which in essence is a coping mechanism and addiction. This leads to the linkage with Neptune and the 12th house. As everything has a positive and negative side, it can be applied here too.
Neptune = addiction, escapism, secrecy, self-sabotage = Bulimia or an eating disorder
12th house = mental health, subconscious, isolation, loss, illusion = Bulimia or an eating disorder
Now this was a brief example of the negative side, the positive side however is creativity and artistic therapy.
I applied arttherapy onto myself in the first stages of healing, it went with trial and error but slowly i managed to release the mental state of being. People with an eating disorder are overly focused on details, that’s the same practice required if you want to make a beautiful painting. And if i may be so blunt, often times an artist will have autistic traits, they see the world differently. I’m not saying autism is bad, in fact i strongly assume i’m on the spectrum myself..
The focus required to create something is the same focus that one uses to purge. It’s a tunnelvision. When you’re busy trying to create, it sucks to get distracted so that’s why arttherapy has been helpful to me as i wanted to finish what i started. It took hours to a full day to complete a painting and within that timeframe i got distracted from the thoughts.
It was an outlet to free my mind.
Bulimia also has a linkage with the 8th house and Pluto, as often there is a linkage with fear, power and trauma.
Pluto = fear, power, obsession = Bulimia or an eating disorder
8th house = Trauma, powerlessness, (self)destruction = Bulimia or an eating disorder
And again here we can find positive traits too, and a rather powerful one ; death and rebirth, which is Pluto.
That means we ALL can achieve rebirth if we manage to surrender to that which kills us inside, no matter what the issue is, rebirth is at all times within our reach of possibility. By surrendering i mean acceptance that there is something we struggle with and that’s okay. Admit the struggle and vulnerability within.
Shift the control over your compostable human home, to a transcending love of the multilayered beauty of what it means to be human. Love yourself unconditionally by letting go of that which you cannot control.
I believe that an eating disorder is strongly tied to the asteroid Pholus, in fact it has a relation to addictions and our ability to overcome. Pholus is known to catapult us into specific situations, it embodies the snowball effect, which an eating disorder is : it starts small but escalates. Therefore it’s possible that a native has a powerful linkage between Pholus and their 6th house, or the houses 8th and 12th. It’s the impact.
4) Daily introspection. Not everyone will have the opportunity to dive an abnormal amount of time deep within their own psyche, however any moment i had was one i took. Shift the focus onto external and emotional factors around the moment of considering to binge and purge. First analyze that rather than analyzing your own body that’s perfectly beautiful, believe it is. It helped me to focus on the brutally real result of bulimia, right after i purged. I kept reminding myself on how it feels, which was something i greatly loathed.
Any moment when i felt insecure was one where i applied psychoanalysis onto myself. Write down everything that you feel and maybe it helps to bluntly write down all the thoughts running through your mind leading up to a binge.
Be transparent with yourself, be as fhucked up as you’d be during an binge and purge.
Write down everything that comes to mind when you see a skinny model or a ‘body goals’ person passing by but also when you see a body positive post online ; what is it doing to your mind and emotions. Why is one making you feel like utter shite, and why is one soothing?
Dare to question yourself, put yourself to the test, you’re so good at being the judge, now shift that and become the judge towards the eating disorder and why you consider it worthy your own life. I must remind you that you already have the power to mindfuck yourself into the act, now that same power is within to confront yourself with yourself.
What am i gaining out of the act?
Do i realize that the results are wildly temporary and very short lived?
Do i truthfully see my triggers?
5) Stop the ball from rolling. Here you need to know what your triggers are, for me it was the dysfunctional experience of my own intestines, i couldn’t take a proper shit as a result of years of binging and purging. Often i had a food attack as that leads to an intense urge to go take a shit. After my rectum canal was emptied out i violently emptied out my stomach leading to feel ‘clean’. Okay nice for a second but the rest of your day sucks and will be a continuous struggle to not relapse into the binge. I just wanted to feel clean (Virgo Moon conjunct Chiron in 6h).
Accept that your body feels uncomfortable, in fact it’s your own fault, swallow it my dear.
You’re so goddamn skilled at blaming yourself, now switch the blame onto why you feel shit, the only blame is you.
Not your friend, partner, society, social media. it’s you. The ultimate cause of why something doesn’t sit right.
My trigger was that i sought the perfect version of myself, the one i felt within. Honestly i still don’t relate to being human, deep down i feel alien, i mean literally an alien body ; androgyne, slender and elegant. But i had to accept that i have an ever changing human body that will adapt to what i feed it, how i nurture it. Acknowledge reality, there is no escape of the 3D aspect of life. And funny enough, it’s during my Saturn return, when it made it’s first hit by exact conjunction, that i overcame bulimia. Saturn being the nurturing authority figure (within) where we need to come to acceptance of reality.
If you’re seeking to express what you feel within, know that it’s an energetic essence, which you naturally vibrate outwardly, the right people will acknowledge your beauty. And after all nobody can please everyone and everything. So let loose, that tight grip of perfection. That overwhelming out of balance inner Neptune.
6) Acknowledgement as a soothing factor along the way to healing. First of all you have to admit that you’re in fact battling a mental disorder. If you puke only once a week or every now and than when you feel like you ate to much, you still have an unhealthy wiring inside your brain. There is no such thing as a scale or amount of percentage for
“i’m sick enough” or “i’m not sick enough” because often your environment won’t notice much about you, bulimia doesn’t necessary make you lose the weight, it is a temporary loss of weight in your mind in regards to soothing trauma, wounding, shame, etc.
Secondly, it helps when someone acknowledges what you feel. The importance of being understood can go a long way.
It’s okay if you feel uncomfortable, even the prettiest people who have it all, will experience days of feeling low, fat and ugly. It’s that often this is not reflected or shared with the outside world.
Everyone on earth is a human being that goes through stages of sorrow, loss, failure, toxic situations,.. You’re never alone.
If you feel strong enough, it can help to seek out support of positive people.
To deliver yet another cheesy but reality slapping fact, there are people enduring war, becoming homeless, who were born disabled, people have physical conditions that make them unable to walk or have an actual deformed body,.. In short, the amount of suffering people endure is immense. I’m not trying to compare anything because pain is a personal perception. The smallest thing to me can be a huge thing to you and likewise. But what i’m portraying here is that there are things much worse than your stomach plumping out or your anal inhabitants being all stuck inside your rectum.
7) Transparent honesty. I recognized that i wanted to make myself proud and my partner too. I have told my partner about my eating disorder but there was always something deeply shameful about any time i had to admit that i binged and purged. In fact it was this shame that became overwhelming. I made a promise to myself first and foremost, to hold tight to truth and honesty. I have to admit that in prior years i was living an obscure double life, but that was one hell of a lonely road. Admit that it’s aching to feel lonely, aching to feel misunderstood, aching to fail to heal. Make a deal with yourself and someone you trust ; to inform them when you relapsed. Commit to this just as loyal as you’d commit to your eating disorder. Again do you see how much mental action is hiding behind an eating disorder? It truly is all in your own head.
The fact i had to share whenever i had purged, made me put in more effort to stop as i wanted to keep myself from having this confrontation. Discomfort = discomfort. It’s either your eating disorder or healing, there is no choice than to accept a period of distress. So it is better to choose the irritation that will come with healing as you’ll gain beautiful results that are longterm.
8) Transform your values. In life, many things that we think we earn or don’t earn are a result of our own valuesystem. Making a linkage with Astrology, this is the 2nd house.
2nd house = Values, food, selfworth ability to hold on to something = Bulimia or an eating disorder.
It requires self-worth in order to realize the amounts we deserve. So often there is something deeply distorted in how we perceive ourselves. By the fact that one can destroy and force their own physical home to be a certain way, is a result of not seeing it’s value. So it’s vital to see the importance of having a healthy body, of seeing that you’re body is something of material value. The possession of your soul and it’s the only possession it has to drive this wildly beautiful earth’s existence.
If you struggle to see the value of your own body, than think about anything of sensible nature that is pleasant to you. Maybe it’s the smell of morning dew, the sound of rain, the intensity of an orgasm, what if feels like to sing or dance,
If you can’t recall anything as a result of anhedonia, than ask one of your parents or someone who is close to you, someone you’ve known for a long while or a childhood friend. Consult old documents such as childhood pictures or writings, memories,.. Research yourself, find what it is that you consider pleasurable. And remind yourself of what that feels like, how the world would be without. It’s vital to remember how beautiful it is to perceive the world through a human vehicle that’s able to touch, smell, taste, hear and see.
Root back to your senses in a gentle and loving way. So that you remember the vital necessity of nurturing them and what they give you in return when they’re fed correctly.
These are all sensatory, your goddamn senses = 2nd house.
The same thing which you destroy for what?
9) What you do now is what you can do in recovery. A simple example is the likelihood that you may hide behind oversized clothing, or that you dress a certain way to avoid confrontation with your own body. Is that true?
The same thing is what you can do during recovery, wear that nice oversized hoodie on days when you feel bloated or struggle to accept the possibility of gaining weight. Can you also admit that this one dress which you bought a few sizes smaller, is yet another trigger? Be realistic. throw that out.
Relearn to dress yourself, and often the current ways of dressing are already suitable for recovery, that is, again those oversized clothes. This helped me a lot, because you cannot expect and force something that’s a living and breathing thing to fit a size that may only be suitable for a child.
If you go out as a bulimic in oversized clothing, than tell me what’s the actual difference between a bulimic in recovery that’s wearing the same clothing? nothing, and i know deep down you’re aware enough to realize this, you just really have to put in some effort for yourself, to quit the ranting. (oh mddrfk my Virgo Moon is wild atm :3 )
10) Stabilizing. Acknowledge the functioning of the human body. Firstly it shifts, in no way will you go to bed the same way as you woke up, not even the richest people on earth, they all carry waste products in their intestines. This as a result of consumption that’s vital for survival. You have to eat otherwise you die.
In the first stages of healing, it is completely normal for your body to be entirely out of balance. You may feel constipated for a few weeks, you may fart a lot, you may not digest food in an appropriate amount of time, you’ll feel uncomfortable,.. But those few beginning weeks are nothing if you compare that to a lifetime of purging.
If you feel like it’s hard to bridge this period in combination with a partner that may desire to be intimate with you for example, than fuck that, please, who gives a shit. A partner should at all times respect your boundaries especially when those are healthy boundaries set to create your own time and rhythm to heal.
After a while, your body will naturally reset itself, if you’ve been purging for a long time, than again time = time
you will have to face a period of practicing patience in your recovery. Some things may be permanently damaged, such as your teeth for example, the acid that has been continuously hugging the exterior of your oral rocks, will be weakened, that’s an inevitable result of long-term bulimia. But luckily this can be fixed but it will cost money. Again, do you realize that it’s you yourself inflicting this upon yourself. Every choice has a result, the only one who can carry the consequences, is you. Make sure you make a better decision, from a place of selflove, to choose for your own wellbeing and your body will thank you for that on the long haul. I promise.
As your body is stabilizing, so will your perception of yourself and life.
What it feels like after the storm
I am now at a point in my healing journey that i don’t even think of barfing. I eat the same amount but probably even more than i used to. I now eat and keep down the foods i used to fear, the foods i used to a binge attack.
I even have a frequent routine of eating a tripple big ass tablespoons of Lotus Biscoff and i easily end my day with cookies or chips. You know what… I came to realize that by giving my body time to heal, it started to treat me well in return.
This means i no longer see or feel or think that certain foods will make me gain 10KG in one day, because that’s just not how the body works. It takes time to gain weight, so having a “cheat day” as how that’s often called nowadays, doesn’t do SHIT to your external. Lol really, that’s mindblowing.
Healing feels like the final victory. gaining back power and control over yourself. It feels loving, i am in love with who i became and how i’ll further grow. The love you can cherish for yourself is just as sweet as someone you love, loving you back so dearly. It’s all about love and being patient. Like how that is for most things in life. Be patient, you’ll get there, but you have to take it seriously. again.. mind over matter type of bullshit here but it’s wildly truthful, the amount of seriousness that’s put into the maintenance of your eating disorder is the same seriousness required to heal.
When you think about it, it’s a fukking joke, and i wasted 7 years of my life destructing my only home. I hope you can digest my bluntness, but know that everything i write here is with genuine sincere LOVE.
To me it feels incredibly empowering to say that i kicked bulimia out of my life in 1 day after 7 years of addiction. I feel proud for this achievement. And by proving myself that i can, i come to realize i can achieve more in life such as achieving a dream job, but most of all achieving inner happiness. Nothing can buy that, not even plastic surgery, although again i have to admit, i’m a radical retard, i still love plastic surgery. I wouldn’t be surprised if i’d go again at some point, but ONLY when i feel that it doesn’t come from a place of self sabotage, but rather from a place of ; i like to express myself. I happen to be a somewhat extravagant twat, excuse my Scorpio stellium, it’s just who i am.
I feel free from worry about my own body (in an aesthetic way). However i do have problems that resulted from my eating disorder. I take full responsibility for the damage i’ve inflicted upon myself. Occasionally there are still days when i feel pissed off and powerless within my own skin, but those days will pass. You have to remind yourself of this.
So, embrace who you are because there is none like you. You are uniqueness yourself.
I really didn’t have therapy?
No, not for my bulimia. I did see a psychologist but that was more of a free assistance type of thing and in the end, i did most of the psychoanalysis myself. She knew about my eating disorder but the conversations were mainly about another issue i dealt with that was not at all linked to my binge and purge attacks.
I overcame bulimia when transit Pholus was retrograde in an exact trine to my natal Chiron.
Chiron is in my 6th house conjunct Moon in Virgo, which is one strong indication of a hypersensitive perception of own body. Transit Psyche was retrograde conjunct my natal Chiron. Transit Venus was opposing my natal Pholus and Moon.
I think astrology became a huge part to why and how i was able to shift my mindset so drastically. As astrology is able to serve such clear black and white answers to Issues..
Addiction? > Neptune = Illusion & escapism VS Art & Meditation
Obsession ? > Pluto = fear & trauma VS Surrender, let go & transcend
Hardship ? > Saturn = loss, obstacle, grief VS acceptance of time, patience & reality
And so on..
It’s that every planet, house and sign will always entail both a positive and negative side. Extreme behaviors are always a reflection of energetic instability, therefore any extreme expression makes it easier to spot which Astrological indication it belongs to, and so it’s serving an answer to an issue right away. This is why art therapy worked for my type of addiction and escapism and i do believe many people can benefit from the practice, as we all have an inner child. And it’s the inner child where we so often need to start with in terms of healing.
My body is the home of my own soul.
My body is a cute stove that needs wood to keep itself warm and functioning.
My body is my vehicle until the end of time so i need to nurture it to make sure the drive is pleasant.
I only have one body, if it fails, the damage can not be undone.
When i nurture myself, my body will feel and look much better.
I am eternally growing, the discomfort of today won’t last.
I acknowledge the human diversity of being something beautiful.
My body is beautiful in the eyes of other, i can see this too.
There are “fat people” being amazingly happy within their own skin.
My body is worthy of love.