“Infidelity is a violation of a couple’s emotional and/or sexual exclusivity that commonly results in feelings of anger, sexual jealousy, and rivalry. What constitutes infidelity depends on expectations within the relationship. In marital relationships, exclusivity is commonly assumed” – GOoo0oGle
Cheating is the murder upon the intimate magic of a couple. If you will. (sexually speaking)
The act of infidelity has many causes however if not every time, it’s a result of Lack regards something vital to the individual who commits misconduct. Cheating is not always with bad intentions and even people with the most pure intentions can get to the point of facing their own unknown vulnerable dark side. It’s a matter of how much one is pushed upon what needs to be faced. This leads us to Lilith and the repressed individual truth often times.
The behavior itself, it an act of desperation. Either in the loss of touch with oneself, their partner or the relationship, a result of repressed sexual energy, trauma response or a distorted connection to the desires and drives.
I believe that whenever infidelity occurs, even if you’re in a wonderful relationship, it inevitably becomes a clear cut projection of being at the ‘wrong address’, the ‘wrong person’ or that something is unhealed within. This is my blunt opinion after analyzing the sorrowful event between couples, but myself included as i’ve been cheated on several times, but i also committed infidelity (online affair, never of physical nature) as a result of an essential lack. A balanced soul who’s in alignment with their own essence, has profound understanding that sex is powerful. So potent that it creates life. And life, consciousness; is not to be played or fooled with. Committing sexual misconduct, is connected with the sharing of vulnerability from the purest version of an individual. It is in fact something rather unique when two people perfectly match on a sexual level with one another as sex is a sacred energy that can either heal or destroy.
Here i’ll mainly focus onto infidelity as a result of sexual repression.
What causes infidelity
It can be a result of a damaged ego, as to commit the act of consciously merging juices with someone else, is an act of drift and desire, which are both Mars energy, just like Ego is. This is also how Astrology makes it rather easy to understand human nature.
• Damaged ego
• Repressed desires
• Fundamental lack
• Contrary sexual drives
• Negative perception onto sex
• Trauma brain (feeling-acting)
• Lack of selflove
• Falling in love with someone else
• Promiscuous lifestyle
• Sexual disorder
• Sexual issues such as asexuality or aversion
• Unhappy marriage or relationship
• Contrary needs and fetishes
• Feeling misunderstood
• Lack of intimacy
and so on…
Often it’s a result of a repressed fetish, especially in men, but this applies to women as well. Both people may have strongly conflicting needs where they do not match or managed to meet each other in the middle. Leading to an unfulfilling sexlife. And one may try to accept that, but there often comes a point where the urge becomes unbearable.
It takes only one ‘right’ opportunity where the boundaries get tested, a person who experiences sexual malnourishment becomes very fragile to cross the line of loyalty.
Frequently a person is insecure about their own sexual desires, especially when they’re unusual. This may keep the individual from sharing that honestly with their own partner or the desires get repressed as a result of shame and the lack of opportunity. However it also happens that their partner is well aware of these needs but just does not find any connection to participate in such acts.
These intimate differences do not work long term. As a relationship is built upon intimacy, i assure you this will lead to a point of culmination.
This is a deeply painful event for any couple, when they love but they just don’t match sexually. This does happen and i think it’s best to just accept this reality of human diversity. But also accept the reality that this may very well lead to a breakup. A deeply embedded sexual urge is hard to deny for most people.
As i’ve mainly focused on ‘normal’ people, there in fact are assholes who disrespect sexual boundaries or suffer a real sexual disorder. I hope you can make the difference for yourself to state whether you/your partner is just battling some unfulfilled desires or is in fact sick with illicit intentions.
There is often a deeper roots for this. One may have very explicit fetishes but they should always question whether those fetishes are rooted out of something healthy or in fact a trauma response. People that participate into the world of BDSM often have a past with sexual abuse or a negative (childhood) experience. Not always though, but very often. This becomes a coping mechanism or the experience shaped them into something they assume they are but are in fact damaged or wounded deep down. If this is the case, one has to research themselves and track down any negative response or trigger in the sexual act.
Infidelity can come from a place where the innerchild is wounded, such as a negative bond or experience with the parent of the opposite sex. One may desire dominance or submission in order to cope with a disappointment, ache, confusion,.. There is a whole complex psychological reason behind certain sexual desires often times, so this does need serious examination to state whether it’s a healthy or unhealthy urge.
It may be due to a result of something physical such as not feeling attraction to the partner, a disability, menopause, physical distance (LDR), different lifestyles such as having a different timing Nightowl VS earlybird,..
As you can see, there genuinely is a deep linkage between infidelity and an essential lack, whether it be psychological, hormonal, physical, circumstantial, disagreement,.. A lack of Balance in any way. My opinion remains strong on this one.
Coming closer to who you really are and what it means to love. It’s possible that some of us reside in a relationship that’s in fact not build upon real love. It happens that someone encounters a third party where they feel an instant connection to, maybe a person encounters the love of their life while they’re in a relationship. These things do happen.
There is this story of a happily married couple, who’ve been together for many years. They raised kids together. However at one point the husband became restless and violated the couple’s intimacy by cheating on his wife. Even though they were considered the best couple and many of their friends envied their marriage, behind the mask there was a repressed man whose self expression never got any chance of development as their relationship was rather conventional. The actual reason for infidelity?
Lack of Self-expression and the honest sharing of such.
In my observations i find it rather obvious that when infidelity occurs, the heart was never fully there in the first place as love and sex go hand in hand when you’re a complete soul of harmony within.
Sex is a very earthy act, consider this ; our main purpose to the incarnation of earth is to reach higher knowledge and total self awareness. The joke behind this all is that sex has a deep linkage to evolution as it belongs to the 8th house, therefore inevitably connected to recreation, evolution and transformation.
In fact, this has often been the case. There is a distinct ‘difference’ between man and women where they may not merge fully on a core level of their individual essence.
Which is often about how ‘nasty’ you can be. Men are frequently considered to have filthy fantasies, whereas women often have more sensual desires. though this isn’t to be applied onto the entirety of the human race, it’s just a common fact that men may fantasize about multiple partners, focus more on performance, a more kinky sexlife etc. especially within the older generations this has been a thing i most often see. Probably this has a root in the upbringing where sexuality wasn’t openly talked about in the 20th century households. The past leads to the existing present. Understand the root first in other words.
Many times infidelity seems to be related to self-expression and friendship, so the Leo-Aquarius axis if you will. In a healthy relationship you need freedom of expression, you need to be and share who you truly are otherwise the relationship itself it built upon an illusion or assumption of something you’re not. A relationship benefits when it’s build upon mutual friendship.
Our hearts blossom (Leo) when we can be authentically ourselves (Aquarius), when we can befriend our lover. Think about it, what is a best friend? someone you share your secrets with, share idiot moments with,..
For the observations I’ve done, infidelity is in fact a result of not fully feeling and expressing oneself in the relationship, it does not provide the right elements and agreement for a certain sexual acts that is important or necessary to an individual. Most people deal with the lack for quite a while, until the urge explodes, leading to infidelity. If you want to avoid this from happening, than you have to be open with one another and talk things through, see where you can meet in the middle or agree upon something.
But what about love?
If we fall in love with someone else, than this feeling becomes undeniable. Try to fight against your own heart, it’s a passion we cannot ignore. Love runs through every cell of our being, so when we fall in love, it’s only a dream coming true when we can follow this feeling and act upon it.
Taking an example of my own, i have fallen deeply in love with someone else when i was in a relationship. i assure you the situation was not easy, but that never is. As i was fighting against what was blossoming inside i did lose that battle of love at one point and sooner than i thought. I recognized that i was with the wrong person. I eventually acted upon my feelings and left my relationship. I’ll be honest that was the best decision of my life at that point. In no way did i have any bad intentions towards my ex partner, i did not want to cause hurt to him, but neither to myself by ignoring my own truth.
When you love, you really love. Don’t repress that. And yes it’s possible that you have to break someone’s heart, but what’s the point of living a lie, towards yourself and another?
Staying in a relationship to please another, to keep the harmony, to raise the kids together, practical reasons such as shared ownership or residence,… whilst your heart is elsewhere, is unbearable on the long run. Ofcourse this may be a cultural privilege as in different parts of the world people share a different social norm or standard such as arranged marriages. A transient crush can happen, but there is a distinct difference between love and (sexual) attraction. Love is when we fully accept someone for who they are, we love them whole. This feeling is embedded into our soul. When we speak of (sexual) attraction it’s only a partial urge to be with that person that’s likely only based off of something superficial, such as physical attractiveness, a good connection, a shared perception,..
If you’re someone who’s in the position of potentially losing your partner to someone else because of love, than it becomes a sorrowful truth which can only be accepted. Again love cannot be fought against. This does not mean that you’re unworthy of love at all, it simply means that the love wasn’t strong enough, real enough probably. Remind yourself that there is nothing more worse than being in a relationship where someone else was able to disrupt it all. There is no point in desiring your (ex)partner whilst they move on, and that’s a bitter truth to accept. Stand your ground, set boundaries and know your worth. You only come to hurt yourself. Being cheated on as a result of your partner falling for someone else, is a painful experience, but it can be overcome through self love. That’s where we have to start and acknowledge that these things happen, it’s not your fault at all. Love happens.
We cannot demand or expect someone else to love us romantically whilst that feeling has faded. again a bitter pill to swallow. Inevitable in acceptance.
I’ll probably write a whole page on this topic at one point as i find this really interesting. But for now the focus is mainly put upon sexual infidelity.
What you can do
Honestly, not much. People are the way they are, there is nothing that can be done towards what’s considered a genuine and healthy turn on or fetish for someone. However if one is unfamiliar with the wild horizon of sexual toys, fantasies, positions, perspectives,.. it may help to learn more about it. So the only help that can be applied in a relationship that’s on the edge of infidelity, is Open-Mindedness and communication. After all, you’re partners, there should be enough love and room to discover more about one another, it’s that a vanilla person has to discover whether they are open and could like some of these new approaches.
Sometimes it happens that a person is completely okay and content with a simple sexlife, there is absolutely nothing wrong with that, after all sex is not about achieving a wide variety of experiences. But an act of love and union.
If these fundamental differences cannot be matched in any way, than there is only one thing to consider, which is to break up the relationship. It happens so often that people split up as a result of sexual matters. Sex is something to take seriously, it profoundly impacts people, not only in the positive way but in a negative ways too. After all, sex belongs to someone’s identity and expression of the self, this cannot be repressed.
If you’re in this position, you have to embrace the truth. There is no other way to deal with it. A relationship is in essence built upon intimacy and vulnerability, the same thing that sex requires. If you’re failing in that department, you’re at the wrong address in this relationship, i’m sorry to be so blunt.
When infidelity already took place, the divine intimacy of a couple as been incurably damaged. There simply is something overwhelming and painful about acknowledging infidelity, whether it’s still a secret or both people know about it. If it doesn’t do shit to you, than you’re probably unbalanced yourself, maybe to submissive, ignorant and pleasing?
Afraid of change, afraid to break up, afraid to be alone,..
There is nothing worse than living in a relationship that’s a partial lie.
If you’re in a relationship but meet someone that’s what you’ve been dreaming about, or you find yourself to fall in love with someone else, than the only thing you can do is stay true to what you feel. Yes infidelity whether it’s sexual or romantic in nature, disrupt and break apart existing relationships. but than ask yourself what’s the point of staying in a relationship when there is a forbidden fruit? when you’re battling your own heart, your own emotions, the things you feel.
Falling in love, is an inevitable happening. We cannot control whom we genuinely fall in love with.
Know your values and boundaries and truthfully live up to that. Come from a place of selflove.
You either respect it or part ways, again. The options remains black and white when fundamental differences occur because sex is simply to fragile to continue living in ignorance.
• Experiment with one another
• Couple’s (sex)therapy
• Broaden your perspective and understanding of intimacy
• Explore your fetishes and turn on’s
• Part ways
Ask yourself :
Can i do anything about it? if no, than your only option is to break up.
Is it within the boundaries of my value system? if no, cut it.
Do i feel drawn to try that one thing? If no, leave.
Can i live with this truth? If no, stay true to yourself and cut the crap.
Can this be healed between us? If no, you better go heal yourself now and quit this relationship.
Do i love myself? You should
Whether your position is the one who’s being cheated on or the one cheating, you have to be true to yourself in either case. If that means to violate the boundaries of your partner, than leave. Be honest with yourself and one another.
I know it’s easier said than done, but ask yourself for how much longer you can endure this instead.
An Astrological perspective on infidelity
There is no clear cut way to state infidelity is taking place, however often times certain aspects seem to be most active when a person is giving in to their desires and urges. You have to consider the current situation before making any judgement off of your astrological observation, such as transit Neptune square to Mars, could very well indicate a burn out. After all any astrological sign is capable of infidelity, it comes down to how you handle your own internal energy and how truthful you are with yourself.
First, you have to examine the natal chart for sexual indications to see whether a person has a high sexdrive or not.
But i have to say, some indications aren’t always as active as you may think, often the arousal has a very specific and personal trigger.
Read more about sexdrive Or Sex addiction in the natal chart.
Some examples :
• Mars, Pluto, Venus in the 8th house or Scorpio
• Mars conjunct or opposite Venus
• Sagittarius on the 5th cusp
• Active fire element
• Mars or Venus conjunct Northnode
• Mars conjunct Moon
• Mars square Neptune or Uranus
• Venus square Neptune or Uranus
• Lilith square Uranus, Neptune, Mars or Pluto
Typical indications for infidelity are when transit Neptune aspects the natal Mars. Transit Uranus in a hard aspect to Venus, Transit Mars conjunct Lilith. However i have to say that i’ve seen Transit Pholus is a harmonious aspect to natal Pholus at the time when a person committed the misconduct. The harmonious aspect is indicative for pushing one towards their own individual truth, which is often the case.
Acting upon our ‘dark’ instinctive desire is a Lilith thing. So often she will be prominent in the chart of one committing misconduct. She can be often found in the cardinal houses, close to an angle. Or in the 8th and 12th house.
Especially Lilith in 12th entails deeply weird sexual desires and fantasies that may even become overwhelming to an individual. Often they keep those to themselves, but when an opportunity arises, they happily give in to such.
When Lilith is triggered by a hard aspect in transit, such as Mars, Uranus, Neptune, a native may feel drawn to act upon their most primal urges. Especially when they have been feeling sexually frustrated for a long while. I assure you, most will act upon it even if the native has no bad intensions at all. As i’ve mentioned that infidelity isn’t always coming forth from a place of illicit intention, often with Lilith there is a flavor of deep confrontation to our own shadow side, but which has to be faced as a result of repression.
Infidelity can occur when transit Saturn is in a hard aspect to Venus, which may indicate a fundamental lack within the relationship, such as a lack of affection, love and closeness as a result of something circumstantial.
Sometimes a transit of Pluto to the 7th house may indicate a powerful experience or encounter to someone, and as we all know, Pluto energy cannot be denied or ignored. When Pluto influences the 7th house, one may feel overwhelmed with a specific desire or urge, may suffer something on a profound level, or it may indicate an intense sexual encounter to someone that eventually changes life and everything. Pluto will always come with a certain shock, not like Uranus, but a brutal wake up so to speak.
Whatever outer planet is in aspect to any of the sex-indicators (mars, eros, venus, lilith, lust,..), will indicate where it’s coming from by examining what house this transiting planet is going through.
12th house means in a far away place, secret place or secret affair such as a secret enemy. 9th house is about foreign matters, 11th house is friends or it could mean someone from a (bdsm) community or even an online affair, etc.
Hard aspects to the 5th or 11th house link up with affairs. The 5th is our own sexlife, but the 11th is that of the partner, so here we can apply ‘turning the chart’ to make our descandant the 1st house of our own partner and see whatever we find in there.
We need to understand that sexual energy is a creative one. Vital life force. Sex is vulnerability, able to destroy or heal.
Read more about a shitty sexlife.
Will add more soon!