Love letter to the obscurity

Intangible space of uncertainty and the aches that disrupt the constant from flowing.
Pitch black opulence carrying me down into the lane of wretchedness.
So, you hold the mirror up, forced to stare into the darkest waters that belong to my own.
A serene roar from the unhealed but dormant pains and the stitches that burst open, so heartlessly.
Under no circumstances prepared, to fight, to flight or freeze…
Absorbed by an unknown haze of unconscious matter, too complex to decipher.
So we run away but the road becomes more gloomy the faster you chase the light.
To run until i realize i’m right on the edge of falling yet another floor down into the pit.
Averse to accepting what rock bottom looks and feels like.
Do we rather neglect to surround ourselves consciously with what belongs to us, too.

Teach me to sink deep as i surrender to the dominant presence of the hurt.
I’ll befriend the shadow that has been chasing me all along the attempts of living surface based,
Right above the truth that created a version of me drenched in my own salt waters.
Yet as i cautiously approach the repugnant beauty, her tears crystalize.
The dazzling charm found in the darkest rooms of the soul, don’t you dare, to allow me to omit.
I taste the fragile spheres that have been puddling my existence and the final found sense of verity
That i’m now left with only exchange. She’s the only version of me to display raw.

There is no point to elude her presence as i reside at the deepest part of vulnerability.
All the roads i could have chosen to walk, would guide me here anyway.
So i listen.
To the howling of own my bittersweet heart that i refused to beautify.
The odd elegance of self inflicted torture and sorrow by the act of ignorance,
I am here, with you, the shadow to my light.

I merge with the parts of me that yearn to be held.
I surrender to the ocean of tears to wash away a past that bleeds.
To understand that i had to drown before i could realize that swimming was within my own reach of potentials.
I can bravely cross the rivers of my crying heart, and i embrace my own corpse.
I hold her in any stage of decomposition, because i refuse to refuse the beauty of my decay.
I hold you, my aching love.. i acknowledge the process of rotting away in my own arms of acceptance.
Every stage of you, is one that belongs to me and no longer shall i run the race to escape.
I see, the aches of mastery.

I anchor the oath of loving you unconditionally as i understand there will never be a wholesome me,
Without the intimacy shared between fear and evolution.
The embrace of the darkest matters as a construct to awareness.

I have found beauty in my own mourning as i surrendered to powerlessness.


A love letter to the 8th house.