Figuring out your pleasures and turn on’s, that’s what this page is devoted to.
I am a fetish positive person and would love to stimulate others into finding their specific pleasure.
It brings depth to the overall experience of love making and merging.
However it requires time and open mindedness to discover yours…
Ask yourself :
• Does the idea of Fetish appeal to me?
• Does it appeal to me to try new or odd things?
• Do i feel comfortable with my partner to experiment?
• Do i need more spice and depth in my sex life?
• Do i feel disconnected to my partner?
• Am i comfortable in my body and own sexuality?
If so, continue reading. Some people are happy with a Vanilla sex life,
Which is just the ‘normal’ act without any additional toys, behavior, scenes, preference, role,..
1) Drop the shame
There are tons of different fetishes from feet fetish to powerplay to rope to pissplay. For a long time there has been a taboo surrounding all things fetish and kinks, however this is slowly changing.. There is still a part of society that does not agree because…
1. they don’t understand it
2. they think it’s shameful/not done to fetishize or sexualize certain situations, objects or body parts
3. unbalanced ego, repression of vulnerability, patriarchic tendencies,…
4. strict upbringing, refusal or neglect of your sexual being and identity
By letting go of what was taught to us as the norm, you liberate your sexuality, to find more joy in sharing fetishes with a loved one. Having a fetish does bring more depth to the experience, as if you level up to a deeper state of merging.
There is no wrong in finding something arousing and pleasurable, But at all times it should be with mutual consent.
2) Lets start with the basics
What part of your body do you feel the most sensation in and brings you the most pleasure, besides the genitals?
What is that fantasy that you secretly have while masturbating?
What feeling do you enjoy the most during the sexual act?
• Submission / Dominance
• Touch / Words
• Vision / Sensation
• Pain / Ease
• Service / Receiving
If you google ‘sexual issues in relationship’ or ‘how to improve sex life’, you may come across “WatCh SoMe POrn WiTh YoR LovaR”. I personally consider this toxic, unless you’re diving more into homemade video’s or real people uploading their lovemaking. The traditional/Mainstream porn can be damaging or may give you a wrong perception of what love making should be, especially when you’re still young this is a retarded idea. It’s okay to watch porn if you’re self aware and when you know that Daddy 4K is exaggerated and film for example.
You don’t have to moan at the amount of decibels your neighbor can hear
You don’t have to be that trashbin dumpster hole in order to please
Your genitals don’t have to be shaved or look a certain way in order to be desirable
You don’t have to dirty talk if it’s not in your nature
You don’t have to use the backdoor in order to be an amazing lover
You don’t have to deepthroat if you don’t like it
You don’t need to get a hard on to perform (tantra Mddrfkkr!)
Try some things by yourself, such as watching a certain porn category you’ve never thought of to watch
or which appeals to you but never clicked it out of shame, even when alone.
See if it arouses you. Try out some new things with your partner. But this all begins with an open conversation considering what you’re both willing to try and what your hard limits are.
• What do you want, what does your partner want?
• What is your turn off, what is your partner’s turn off?
• What do you both agree on to try?
• Any bad experiences or trauma’s that should be considered?
4) Kink or Fetish
A kink is arousal from something that’s not considered the sexual norm.
Most often a ‘Kinkster / Kinker’ is someone who is still figuring out their fetishes.
A Fetish is an act or object which is necessary for arousal. It’s that thing that gets you started.
5) Balanced opposites
Most often a sexual relationship ‘works best’ if one is submissive and the other is dominant.
There are various dynamics in which certain elements are a shared fetish between two people :
Dominant – Submissive
Primal – Prey
Ropemaster – Ropebunny
Top – Bottom
Dominant / Daddy – Brat
Sadist – Masochist
Findom – Finsub
Voyeur – Exhibitionist
List of fetishes (Basic explanation)
Anal : Rectal penetration, the backdoor riders
Ageplay : Sex with older or younger people, age gab fantasies
Armpit : Sexualization of armpits, smell, look, touch
Amputee : Arousal from cut off limbs, inability of movement, the looks of it, invalid
Beathplay : Giving your ability the breath out of hands (powerplay)
Branding : Branding the skin with heated objects, branding figures, names, words,…
Brat : Misbehaving, provocative person. mostly a submissive
Cutting : Playing with a knife or sharp objects to inflict (artistic) cuts, wounding, pain, love for blood
Cuckolding : Partner having sex with someone else in front of the other partner, emotional hurt
CBT : Cock and ball torture (BDSM) with various objects and tools of preference
CEI : Cum eating instructions, mostly instructed by a dominant female, forced consumption of sperm
Choking : Choking of the neck during the sexual act, dominating
Collaring : Wearing a collar, being owned by a dominant, obedience
Dominance : Dominating the partner, being the guiding & authoritative figure
Dickworship : Worship of the male genitals, admiration and appreciation
Denial : Refraining from sexual experiences to increase arousal
Daddy : Caretaker with a fatherly energy, mostly a dominant or a guiding figure
Diapers : Sexualization of diapers, linked to pissplay (‘little’)
Deepthroat : Blowjob but taking the penis deeper than usual, gag-reflex control
Exhibitionism : The joy and arousal from sex in public places ; being caught
Fisting : Inserting a whole fist into the vagina or anus
Femdom : Female domination, supremacy
Findom : Financial domination
Finsub : Arousal from losing financial control to a powerful figure
Feetfetish : Sexualization of the feet, touch, smell, look. submission & obedience
Fart = Eproctophilia : Sexualization of the sound and smell of farts
Gangbang : Sex with multiple people at once, group dominance
Impact play : Struck by the dominance of another person
JOI : Jerk off instructions, mostly instructed by a dominant female
Knifeplay : Playing with a knife, stroking against the body for sexual arousal, sensational
Leather : Sexualization of leather clothing or objects, the sound, feel, smell,…
Latex : Sexualization of the look, touch and sound of latex, the sound, feel, smell,…
Masochism : Arousal of pain, being dominated, heightened sensatory input
Mommy : Caretaker with a motherly vibe
Master / Mistress : A powerful person who owns (multiple) slave(s)
Needleplay : Art with needles, masochism, blood
Orgasm control : Controlling of the orgasm, partner controlling when you cum
Powerplay : Submissive person giving up all control
Pissplay : Playing with pee. Drinking, showering, cleaning, feel,..
Pee desperation : Holding in your urination until you lose control
Pussyplay : Pleasuring and worshiping the female genitals
Ropeplay : Binding the body with rope ; restriction of movement
Polyamory : Romantic feelings for multiple people
Primal : Raw sexual feelings, instinctive, animalistic, primitive approach
Prey : Submissive role to the Primal person, being hunted on
Sensation play : Sensual and soft foreplay and penetration
Submission : Sacrificial love, Being a servant of the pleasures of the partner
Skullfuck : Fucking the mouth with the penis or penis-like objects, often a deepthroat
Shibari : Artistic bondage, experience, surrendering to the control of another
Sadism : Sexualization of inflicting pain, domination
Sadomasochism : Sexualization of both pain and inflicting pain
Slave : A submissive person who gives up control for a dominant
Spit : Playing with spit
Switch : A person who enjoys being both dominant and submissive
Squirt : Sexualization of the female orgasm, pee
Stockings : Sexualization of stockings
TPE : Total power exchange
Threesome : Sex with three people
Voyeurism : The joy of watching others have sex, arousal
Waxplay : Candles, wax dripping on the body ; Arousal from view & sensation
There is still a lot more, however this list shows the most common fetishes and is a good introduction to start with. Do your research, speak with like-minded people, visit fetish events in your area,… You’ll be surprised at how many people are into it and how much more fascinating fetishes exist.
You may be surprised to see your local mayor at a fetish event.
Fetlife – Facebook for fetish positive people
Bdsm test – Fill in a list to figure your fetishes
Manyvids – Openminded porn platform (LGBTQ friendly)
Kinkstore – Website for purchasing toys and BDSM equipment
*LGBTQ = Lesbian-Gay-Bisexual-Transgender-Queer