PlutonicDesire

A personal story, with a quest and a search for answers where i feel alone in the battle between.
I have mentioned it on my website before, the twinflame, and yet this is my personal search for answers still to why it happened and what’s the purpose of it all. Astrology is slowly serving me the answers along several other things.

Let’s get to the beginning of it all.
Somewhere 2013. i had returning dreams of a divine union between me and a foreign man. We were unable to communicate due to a language barrier, but telepathy and body language were our ways. Upon awakening i felt painfully homesick, however, deep down i felt this was real and since than, i’ve always wandered around with the awareness of an empty feeling inside.
In 2017 i found this person through waves of music, but again we were split in the physical dimension. The moment i encountered his existence, took away the emptiness, which i also like to refer to as ‘echo’.
We lost contact for a year and by the summer of 2018 all had bloomed into romance and love.
This resulted in an LDR of approximately 7 months.
This relationship was abruptly ended by me as a shitton of disturbing things were happening in the 3D realm but our connection was also interfered with personal issues & struggles from the both of us.
Eventually it took around 4 years to finally meet in person, and it’s this exact day that had lead me to deeper insight yet another year after the initial date of the physical encounter. 2020 VS 2021.
December 18th 2020 was the day we met. However it took me to December 2021 to realize that on this particular day the transit Sun was conjunct to the Galactic Center…

In a nutshell…
The galactic center is the heart of the Milky way. It’s connected to the subconscious realm, soulmemory, a portal for channeling and divine messaging, aswell as the gateway to the awareness of emotional wounding & trauma that’s in need for healing or a revisit of what’s old and forgotten. Aside from that, number 18 means ‘repairing the old’ in the IChing.
We both had been waiting years to understand whether all we ever felt through dreams, telepathy, emotion, soul and especially internet, was ever real. our questions took a long time to be answered.

On the day of meeting, not only was the Sun at the exact degree of the Galactic Center, but transit Mercury was conjunct aswell. Back than, Mercury was my profected year lord, aiding in significance.
Transit Venus was exactly conjunct to my natal Northnode, supporting ‘karmic romance’. Funny enough, transit Venus was also conjunct to our Composite Venus, joining the composite Descendant.
His transitting name asteroid was exactly sextile to the Galactic Center, and also exactly sextile to my natal asteroid Union. You can basically interpret this as ‘CoiNciDencE in Yor FacehOLe’.

Now, aside from the incredible activation of the Galactic Center on the long awaited day of meeting, i also realized that i do have the Galactic Center activated in my natal chart by Asteroid Amor. The core meaning of Amor is unconditional love. it’s located in the 9th house which is also linked to foreign matters aswell as higher knowledge, spirituality, dreams,..
Asteroid Amor is exactly trine to Asteroid Union in my natal chart, which aids to the fate of divine union at some point in my life.

Now i’m asking myself.. what’s the point of this whole twinflame journey.. what’s the point of Amor on the Galactic Center in my chart.. Reasons become more clear as another personal journey is parallel to this whole twinflame connection.
I’ve never felt fully human.. (typical for people who have GC activated in natal chart btw) When i was between the ages of 5-8 i told my mother several times that i am not from planet earth at all, but instead i’m from Venus and considered myself Venusian all of my life, until last year when i got some deeper insight into my own soul’s energy through the Akashic Records.. I am from Andromeda with qualities of Alpha Centauri. What’s funny is that Alpha Centauri has a linkage to the Galactic Center.. ;
“The Centaurs reflect within the psyche the crucial process of purification, healing and integration which accompanies our spiritual awakening. Intense experiences, often signalled by transits from the outer planets, may not be fully integrated at the time so they are stored within the soul, awaiting suitable opportunities to be ‘revisited’, in order that the process can re-open and unroll further. Transits of the Centaurs are invaluable as they link into these ‘in-between’ regions of the soul, the internal ‘Underworld’, where ‘incomplete’ experiences call for healing. This enables us to contact dimensions of awareness that have a freeing and healing effect.” -Astro.com

Again, pretty funny… I have Moon in Virgo conjunct Chiron, i’m honestly obsessed with purity in all forms.. To the point of battling the idea of waste product inside my system.
Okay, anyway… Back to feeling Alien.
For as far as i can remember i’ve never fully agreed with the idea of being human, this was amplified through my personal Twinflame journey as everything took place on the virtual and soulish plane. Nothing was ever physical, but the love was incredibly deep and beautiful. I found comfort in this, as it didn’t require me to experience my physical self, which is something i battle with most of my time. Simultaneously it challenged me to rise above the 3rd dimension as i was utterly unable to sense, give and receive love through any of my senses by the other person. So i learned to tap into the 5th dimensional love. To find ‘satisfaction’ through everything that’s energy, emotion and soul.
This experience has stuck to me and is something i take with me on my further path in life.
However.. it’s not always easy as humans are used to share 3D love and i’m kindof over that.. to be very honest..

Here is a note from my diary ;
“The things is that i have felt my purpose before, a teacher or healer of love.. But all what transcends the physical world.
Because the essence of love, is.. pure energy.
In which, we, as human 3D beings get the chance to absorb it through our senses but to not, ever, forget the truest essence is real energy exchange without touch.
So much is to be experienced through our human senses without the typical usage, our hands don’t need to touch,

they, send energy.. energy is touch.”

So… My conclusion.. from my personal Twinflame journey, which did not have the expected ‘happy’ ending..
Is that the whole experience of needing to be grateful with all things non-physical,
Had lead me to the understanding of what true unconditional love truly embodies..

And i continue to stand behind this statement of mine.. that love isn’t required to be something 3D..
But more so 5D as it does not align at all with EGO, which is 3D..


Stepping away from the Twinflame

Well, deep down it’s an emptiness. To find the courage to do this, is a decision that goes beyond the heart, Ratio based. But a decision based off reality, what’s practical, rational, constructive and serves overall balance in life (OhhMyGod nikka Virgo Moon rectally fhuking into the impracticality of emotion). You cannot have everything, altho the other half feels exactly like that. Our story is the saddest that i’ve ever felt. where the difference of 3D and 5D became so awfully and deeply painful, there had to be made a decision that would serve Human life more constructively rather than what the soul wants. Because we cannot live off of air alone, in such a brutally material world.
I continue to live with contradiction and may never fully recover, but i ground back and find gratitude in unconditional loving, in knowing my other half, is within me at all times. It’s a connection that does not require anything related to human interaction at all, because, the soul simply knows, and that’s enough. Eternal truth, and i know deep down that he knows too.

I’m currently in a relationship what makes it really rough at times. As i really feel that emptiness, it’s a travel back in time, going back to a previous stage, where all i ever knew was that echo. I understand exactly the individual purposes of the current union i’m in. But meanwhile i’m on a deep inner quest, to try and understand the individual reasons why i had to experience a twinflame union, that eventually was cut off by me.

All goes back to sex, it’s the only human act that brings us the closest to ourselves and the soul.
Twinflame sex is best described as having sex with yourself.
It truly feels like you cut yourself in two parts, a reconciliation with yourself whilst knowing of the embedded past pains within, but it feels like i’m nurturing and healing myself through soulish love making.
During my search for real truth i came to a point of what if i take my twinflame as my spiritanimal, my guardian angel i had the privilege to meet physically, once.. than would it help to sooth the emptiness?
Meeting yourself, physically, is confrontational. and walking life without your twin, after this intense sexual merging,
is like i now have to heal myself, independently. As if i was shown ‘how to’ by my other half, as if he gave me the guidelines to my own wounding and blockages. But now i have to do it alone, take that wisdom with me, soul wisdom.



UNFINISHED.. but wanted to share it anyway.
Bye have a good day.

Sincerely,

Virgo Moon